If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
