She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
