good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
