I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
