Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
