we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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