I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
