its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
