Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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