just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
