you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
