glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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