I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
