You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
