the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
