do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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