My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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