if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
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