allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
