Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
