I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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