I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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