About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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