I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can text with my tongue
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
