We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
