How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
