omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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