We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
