He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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