Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I didn't notice because vodka
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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