ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
