I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
