My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
false alarm. still invincible.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I touched a dick in church today
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
