I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
