Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
