Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
