He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
