I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
