And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
