Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
