i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
