My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
