I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
