dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
