At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
