Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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