I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
