the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to stick my p in your. b.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
