If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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