we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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