I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
