Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
